PoetryAloud
EJ Koh Reads
ClearanceI browsed CIA.gov
for jobs. On the online application I marked spots for Targeting Officer Intelligence Collection Analyst Counterterrorism Methodologist and Librarian. The text said: Be prepared to undergo a thorough investigation examining your life’s history, soundness of judgment, freedom from conflicting allegiances, protection of sensitive information, potential to be coerced, and a Polygraph test. [The CIA spied on me for twelve months] They found I watched more porn than most women. They found I wrestled and, upon demanding an opponent twice above my weight class, was publicly humiliated. They found I drank a cup of holy water at a wedding. They found I cannot hold my bladder past two hours, making me uneasy in places where a bathroom is not readily available: subways, banks, bars, liquor stores, boats, elevators, parks, outdoor malls, small offices, beaches, buses, waiting rooms, and funerals. They found I lied about speaking French. They found “How to disable a bomb” in my Google search history. They found I pass international customs with suitcases full of red meat, greens, and seeds into the country. They found no drug use in the past two years. They found my elementary teacher asked why I’d try for the spelling bee, she asked what the biggest word I knew was so I said “masturbation” and she sent me home with a red card. They found I lie to people older than me and tell the truth to younger people. They found a Davis high school baseball team bullied me by flipping my chair and making squinty eyes I tried to choke one of them and was removed from class. They found I laugh at racist jokes. They found I feel responsible for the death of my two parakeets and my grandmother. They found I never litter. They found I was fifteen when a Korean hairstylist proposed to me inside a McDonald’s in Tokyo, Japan. They found I danced for a Hip Hop team for two years by whom I felt largely betrayed. They found my mother worked a shopping mall cart and fainted when a customer stole an expensive makeup kit. They found I believe in God. They found I’m not particularly smart. The CIA called to say I passed my security clearances. Only the very best of the men and women comprise the Agency’s workforce to safeguard some of the nation’s most sensitive information and highest standards of integrity. |
EJ Koh
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