A Poet's Cornbook, Volume 1

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Question: Why do Cowboys write poetry?
Answer: Because they’re inspired by the moos.


Question: What is the highest honor among Cowboy poets?
Answer: Poet lariat.


Question: Why didn’t the angry farmer divorce his wife when she traded their prize milking cow for a book of poetry?
Answer: Because he vowed to love her for butter or verse.


Question: How do poets say good bye?
Answer: “I’d like to linger a little longer but it’s getting aliter-ate.”


Question: What did the poet say to Luke Skywalker?
Answer: “Metaphors be with you.”

A nurse is giving a young medical intern a tour of the hospital.
The intern approaches one bedridden patient and asks, “Why are you here?” The patient replies, “Wee sleket cowerin’ timrous beastie/O, what a panic is in thy breastie.”
The intern moves on to the next bed and asks the same question, “Why are you here?” The patient answers, “O, my luv is like a red, red, rose that’s newly sprung in June.”
The intern moves on to a third bed and asks again, “Why are you here” to which the third patient replies, “The best laid plans of mice and men, may often gang awry.”
At this the intern turns to the nurse and asks, “What ward is this anyway.” And the nurse answers, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

Question: What is a metaphor?
Answer: For grazin’ yer cattle.

Question: What is a simile?
Answer: It’s like a metaphor.

Continue to A Poet's Cornbook, Volume Two