Master RobertThe letter from grandfather at my birth
was addressed to Master Robert King which no one ever called me again and the letter is as absent as he is. Words of wisdom inside? I imagine, but I can’t imagine them. Difficult to say, as such words are or might have been. Once he showed me how to make a whistle out of a squash stalk, not really whistling but a rasping squawk, enough of a sound for that one day, although never again. Grandchildren, great, if you’re ever around a squash plant, cut a two-inch section, then slice a notch toward one fuzzy end. With practice you’ll get a raucous buzz that will thrill the summer you’re standing in and the stalk’s bristles will only slightly sting your lips and you’ll never do it again. You masters of all things I‘ll never know. The Secrets of ChildrenWe were always wanting to find
the secret, a secret, some such thing as secret. Gloried in our hiding, the way children will, where no one knew, invisible in our holes, our bushes, woods, under the porch. Gleeful, we giggled at the way the world went on, oblivious we were gone. This was funny then. We didn’t realize that was how it would always be. We’d found the secret. And didn’t know it. Saying the WordThe mountains become water
carrying themselves away. To rise implies to fall down. Still, one climbs the mountains. Even sitting, doing nothing, one climbs the mountains. Not one millimeter of “David” is the same first smooth of surface. This is what I mean. I looked at my father’s skull while he lay inside a machine. This is what I mean. And while streams begin descent the mountains pretend to keep the shape we call ageless. We say that, over and over. And then we stop saying that and someone else begins. On History ☊When I lived in the Dakotas,
towns were celebrating only their centennial. Outside a hotel window in Spain stood a deserted church, restorada in 1855, a tree growing out of the belfry. I have learned about time, learned again. When I asked a young girl on her way through the Zuni village what that was, those rocks jumbled around a hole in a weedy vacant lot, she said “The center of the world,” and ambled through that morning toward her school. At Fifteen ☊At the first hard shock, a first love
overturned in the instant of a letter, I was burned by the hurt, if not in the heart, that tight affectionate knot, then in the chest, an ache swelling up. That night I lay in bed watching the rain burst over our small troubled trees and cried, mostly from pain but partly, that young, in tune with the storm’s torrent, until I stopped. But then, wanting back that bitter pang, I counted up every lost thing until I broke out again, glorying in my new sadness, delighted to feel it, to feel, my small life as large as the worldly rain. Another Bird
Life, I seem to recall
from a year of Anglo Saxon poetry in the old days, is like a bird flying out of the cold and dark in one door of the heroes’ mead-house through the smoke and warmth of fires, earth-smell, sweat-stench, roasted meat, and winging out the other door into another cold and dark. I remember this suddenly on the bank of a mountain stream watching an ouzel flutter into the shining, its body dipping and bobbing as it feeds under the push of the current, and then flutters out again to its rock: wet and satisfied. ❧ |
Chaco CanyonThe sun starting down and a mile back
to the campground, we returned from another ruin, dry sandstone blocks outlining the old ways gone although enough sacredness remained. Finally back at our tent in a cluster of campers’ thin homes we met other souls leaving, a group of older women burdened with cameras and tripods, laughing among themselves, setting out to fix the light’s last moments. We had to stop to watch them walking toward the enveloping night to see what of that darkness they could save and bring back to their lives. Comparisons ☊ In the middle of a river, I listen
to the businessman comparing business to an orchestra, each instrument properly contributing, each part a part of the whole. The orchestra, however, compares itself to a river– flutes of light, cellos bubbling along in the push and flow of adagio, crescendo, allegro–in rushes and deep swirling. But this current river compares itself placidly to a business, all its appropriate liquid departments working in unison toward singular goals, closing up shop here, opening there, reorganizing itself now through a downturn of driftwood, so the two of us stop humming our various tunes and backpaddle furiously in order not to go bankrupt, get flat, or wet. [First published: Old Man Laughing (Ghost Road Press, 2007] The Bread Knife of My Aunt
Though one of the family’s smallest jokes,
the blade having worn into a thin curve through the lives of many loaves, it was still the good knife. So where was I, anyway, when death made it wholly unnecessary, then lost? Now in my father’s battered toolbox I find a screwdriver he chiseled, twisted, and pried with until it no longer serves its original purpose. Earlier, holding a tarnished spoon once mangled by mother in the new-fangled garbage disposal: the wear our lives take on whatever we happen to touch. I wish now I had that knife. I’d set it beside these two relics, perhaps on an empty suitcase, preparing a table where no one will come to eat in the presence of all our enemies. The Trail
Through the pines, the trail turning
sharply up, the blue sky breaks suddenly through and you know you’re about at the top although after a quarter mile of your hard breathing, the sky is covered by another hill, more pines. You’re doomed to live on earth, its ragged paths promising heaven, delivering another stretch down, then up, of whatever it is you’re climbing. A Suicide
A friend in college, an acquaintance, someone
I knew, a stranger, shot himself and died. At the funeral, I wedged into a pew, his family stern on the other side. Afterward I passed by, staring at him without the bushy beard I’d only known. His face was bare and shocked, more fragile, dim than I’d thought, pale bone and skin in the satin. He became an acquaintance, then someone I knew who’d shot himself, thinner and paler for years until he vanished, became a stranger, a son the family never explained. That Time
And when it arrives,
the forest retreating into its old shadows, the river mirroring the fragile sky so both shimmer a faint silver, I realize I’ve waited all day for this moment, a change that never changes. Everything I know is dark. Everything I don’t know lights up within itself. |
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