my friend, the manic depressive
my therapist told me that i should write you a letter.
i wanted to share something real,
maybe something nostalgic about
those summers of beer and roses
but all i could think of
is the way your heavy eyes used to burn
for the love of a god
in whom you no longer believe.
tonight, let us harbour no illusions.
i am not a poet; merely a drunkard
with a fountain pen and time to kill.
i know that some days
we are like bonfires that forgot
how to burn, that some nights
the emptiness becomes so great
that even the crows fly weeping.
i know we had an agreement
but there are only so many ways
to talk to a god
that never talks back.
now, as you sleep in another city
a child, smiling, hands me a white feather,
night falls upon the ocean, waves reach for
the city like fingers for the bottle, there are nights
when i can hardly stand
with a head full of bluejays
and a heart full of
and if there is such a thing as love
it won't be found in the whiskey bottle
there will be no light in the nicotine and valium
no matter how adept they are
at keeping the wolves
i know that some days,
fuck it -- most days
rising from the bedsheets to square up to an unfair world
is like looking for a needle
in a stack of broken bones
but if i could only bring my heart to scream
as loud as your condition
we could make kites out of vacancy
and wait for the wind, prevailing
from the days when we knew
what it was to be alive.
i know it hurts beyond imagination
but sun is good for scars,
and one day,
like a phoenix rising from slumber
we will set traps for the tigers
disregard these bitter and ageless ghosts
like dropping an anchor without
there will come a day
when you understand:
those mornings of blood stained towels
and the ghosts in cider cans
will be worth it; that i will be there
through the nights of broken song
to hold your heart in my weathered hands
like an unlit candle
dreaming of flame.
i wanted to write you a letter,
because you understand better than
anyone i know:
is kinder than
as the bluejays lift up their colour
forever dreaming of
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